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BtVs: bollocks


Stephanie Lynn

...to sleep, perchance to dream

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the pain that wont go away
flowers: free to fall
I haven't written on here in a long time and there are a few reasons why. One is that I have my website and I normally just write on there and two is because I just broke up with Dustin and its been really hard coping. Dustin and I had been dating for almost nine years. We lived together and I thought had a future. Yeah no.

What is worse is one of my closest friends has stopped talking to me because when I broke up with Dustin she also broke up with her fiance. I wasn't there for her becuase of what I was going through and so she has stopped talking to me and has continued to be friends with Dustin (which has got to be the hardest things I am dealing with). I'm not sure what is going on with her or him but I have a feeling it wont stay in the friends category.

I am also friends with her sister but she doesn't want to get in the middle of the drama so I can't really talk to her about it. I just feel like I'm in some alternate universe or a dream. It doesn't feel like my life. I feel like i'm in one of the nightmares that I can't escape from.

I don't want to date because even though things with Dustin and I were rocky anyone I date isn't going to be Dustin. They wont have his personality, his sense of humor and most of all it won't be the same with how we acted around each other. He probably knew me better than anyone. He was my best friend and it sucks so bad that, that is gone. I think that anyone who has dated anyone for this period of time will understand that feeling. The feeling that you've lost a chunk of yourself.

We aren't talking anymore and when we do its through texts and with little communication. I hate it.

Don't get me wrong I have my good days but it seems that there are more sad times then the happy ones. There are friends that have been there for me though. Even though the ones I thought would never be the ones that are have shown me that they are actually my friends and actually care about what I have to say. Jolene, Heidi and Caroline have been really good. It just sucks that Caroline lives so far away. It would be nicer to see her more. Then Heidi lives in Oregon so thats no good.

It's also not helping that I live alone. I need a roommate so I don't lose my mind.

Okay that's the end of the pity party and basically what I've been going through/thinking for the past month. I'm sorry if you guys actually read it because it's more for me to get my thoughts out then anything. I just need to start thinking more positively. Unfortunately I think that is a far way off.

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One of your closest friends broke up with her guy at the same time you and Dustin broke up and now Dustin and mystery lady are on the hook-up trail?

Sounds fooking shady to me.

Steph, breaking-up sucks. It will get better though. Eventually.

well she technically broke up with her guy first. but it was pretty close. and dustin and I were talking about it. i doubt that its the reason but it just sucks that they might get together. it hasn't been the best month.

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